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Neil: I was in good shape; internet-wise. My new puppet show was fresh out of the puppet oven. I was swiping honors like Jacks. Thousands of views, comments, favorites…I was a happy kid. At that moment, I was the sixth most viewed for the day. I decided to check out the competition. Number one. My God…it was grueling; like a mirror, in a way, but it reflected all of my own weaknesses. My—my darkness, my evil thoughts. Was I in good shape? I was five places beneath this strange amalgam of God and Satan and all of humanity. Brains aren’t designed to take this sort of thing. Mine sure wasn’t. So, I deleted all of my videos, and I closed my account, and I burned my puppets. And I poisoned myself. When I awoke, my soul was on a UFO. There were aliens, and they said, “Neil. Neil. We’re taking you to Youtube Heaven.”