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The Tale of the Timeline of Terror

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The Tale of the Timeline of Terror

STEVE JOBS NOOOOO

Artist:
Plymouth Rock Studios
Released:
October 16, 2008
Length:
3:09
Link:
HollywoodEastTV
Cast:
Neil Cicierega, Louie Jannetty, Kevin James, Jake Silva, Steve Jobs

Transcript

(Louie is editing a video, Neil enters the room.)
Neil: Hey, Louie, what’s up?
Louie: Oh, not much, just editing some footage.
Neil: Oh cool.
Louie: How are you?
Neil: Uh, pretty good, I got a Danish. So, uh, what are you editing there?
Louie: Actually, it’s pretty cool, lemme just render it and I’ll show you.
(The camera shows the what just happened in a Final Cut Pro window.)
Neil: Hey, Louie, what’s up?
Louie: Oh, not much, just editing some footage.
Neil: Oh cool.
Louie: How are you?
Neil: Uh, pretty good, I got a Danish. So, uh, what are you editing there?
Louie: Actually, it’s pretty cool, lemme just render it-
(The camera shows the room again.)
Neil: Wow, what, w-wait a minute. That just, that just happened, I mean, how did it, how did it, how did, what?
Louie: It’s a Mac. It’s imbued with supernatural powers.
Neil: Wow, hang on, I gotta go show Kevin this.
(Neil exits. The computer screen glows green.)
(Neil and Kevin enter)
Louie: Oh, hey Kevin!
Neil: Okay Kevin you gotta check this out. Louie, play the video.
Louie: Yeah sure, just lemme render it again.
(This time the computer shows a clip of Kevin eating a banana and choking to death.)
Kevin: What the Hell was that?
Neil: T-that’s not the video it played for me.
Louie: Well this clip is labeled February 17, 2012. This is the day you will die.
Neil: No, no it doesn’t have to be this way Kevin. No man’s fate is inexplicably tied to the confines of a Final Cut Pro timeline. We can edit it Kevin.
Kevin: Yeah.
Louie: I don’t recommend that Neil.
Neil: Get up Louie.
Kevin: Yeah, get lost.
Louie: But I didn’t save it.
Neil: Let’s see here.
Louie: You’ll be sorry.
Neil: Shhhh. Okay we just have to move some clips around here and you’ll be fine.
Kevin: Thank God.
Neil: That’s weird. It’s not letting me move anything in the timeline.
(The screen glows green and Steve Jobs appears on the computer.)
Steve: Fools, you have tampered with powers beyond your imagination. Now, you must die.
Neil and Kevin: NOOO!!!
(Louie is sitting at the computer again. Jake enters.)
Jake: Hey Louie, how’s it going?
Louie: ‘Sup Jake?
Jake: Hey man, you must be pretty excited now, that uh, Neil and Kevin decided to quit, you got this whole editing station to yourself.
Louie: I am most pleased.
Jake: Cool, right on man, so, I’ll see you later.
Louie: Yep, see ya.
(Neil and Kevin are shown trapped in the Final Cut Pro preview pane.)
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