From WikiLemon

Neilism was created after it was discovered that forum member -stefh is 61% Jesus. [1] The religion began to develop there, but was soon moved to its own thread.

Contents 1 Major Roles 2 Artifacts 3 Holidays 4 The Ten Commandments 5 The Five Pillars of Neilism 6 Funerary Ceremony 7 The End of Days

Major Roles

• Holy Trinity:
  • God (the Father): Neil
  • Jesus: -stefh
  • Holy Ghost: Alora
• Virgin Mary: Snape
• Moses: Ardy
• The Three Wise Men: LÆB, psyne, Natalia, Faerykore
  • Yes, we know that there are four Three Wise Men and that three of them aren’t men.
• Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: d4nce4m01 and HalfCatharsis
  • Yes, we know that there are only two Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and that neither of them are men. (D4nce4m01 is the one official Four Horsemen but since she and HalfCatharsis share a brain, HalfCatharsis shares in the Horsemen glory. Also, the Four Horses are actually ponies.)
• Joshua: Raider Monkey
• Eve: Damn Seduction Stage
• Adam: HalfCatharsis
• The Apple: blindfolding
• The Donkey that Mary Rides: xlycanthropicx
• Lepers: All banned members
• Santa Claus: Vanilla the Plastic Snowman
• The Twelve Apostles:
  1. BeatlesLover
  2. E = MC Hammer
  3. saintsmythe
  4. Tyrante
  5. bowser724
  6. EvilDeathBee
  7. Raider Monkey
  8. Jacq
  9. Dingbat
  10. Mattgcn
  11. dave12d3
  12. Zephyr
  13. Cam
  14. ph3r
  15. Madhatte
  • Yeah yeah, there are fifteen Twelve Apostles. You know the drill.

Artifacts

• The Tablets: whitehatcrazy
  
• The Bible: The Book of Neil
• The Holy Grail: Neil’s Juice-Box, as seen at LicDade07

Holidays

• Lemonew Year (February 1st)
• -stefhmas (March 14th)
• Orgasmakkah (April 3rd)
• Ciciereaster (August 23rd)
• Hurstmas (November 15th)
• Blarthsday (Between Wednesday and Fridnesday, when LÆB says so)

The Ten Commandments

1. I am Neil, your God. You shall not have any gods before me, except Ardy, Goat On A Pole, Eris, etc.
2. You shall not take the name of Neil in vain, nor misspell it as “Niel”.
3. Honour -stefhmas, Orgasmukkah, Ciciereaster, Hurstmas and Blarthsday, and keep them holy.
4. Honour your father and mother, both of whom are Neil.
5. You shall not murder. But interfection is okay, if it’s someone who’s being really annoying, using bad grammar and such.
6. You should probably not steal Neil’s music, but it’s really no biggie if you do once in a while.
7. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, unless it’s funny and you’re obviously kidding.
8. You shall covet as many people as you want. Lemon Demon fans are sexy.
9. Feel free to covet anyone’s property as well, except for “Insult to Aaron”. If you do, Alora will smite you.
10. What happens in Kingston, stays in Kingston.

The Five Pillars of Neilism

Salemon (prayer) - Neilists are required to pray toward Kingston, MA, 5 times a day. While praying to Neil, you must be holding a sharp silver object in your right hand, which should be placed onto the side of your face. Place your left hand on your forehead, and point to the sky. Keep your mouth open at all times while praying. This can be reversed for left-handed people and also on holidays. After you are finished with your prayer, you must say “ANeil”.

Neiladah (profession of faith) - The Neilist must recite the prayer “There is no god but Neil and Alora is his prophet.”

Trapesawm (fasting) - During the holy period of time known as Neilent, Neilists are forbidden from fasting and are encouraged to eat, drink, have sex, and perform other acts of worldly pleasure as much as possible. Neilent begins on the first Blarthsday of Cicieraugust and lasts until Ciciereaster. During the season, Neilists have to give up listening to any Lemon Demon songs they don’t actually own on CD.

Lemizakah (alms) - A Neilist is required to pay money to Neil for his music, at least once in a while.

Lemajj (pilgrimage) - A Neilist is required to make a pilgrimage to Kingston at least once in his or her life.

Some Neilists believe Neilhad (struggle) to be a basic tenet of Neilism. Unfortunately, modern interpretations of the word have led Neilist extremists to perform acts of terror against non-Neilist web sites. This terrorist attacks are frowned upon by most Neilists as counterproductive to the spread of the word of Neil and damaging to the image of Neilism.

Funerary Ceremony

First one points the head of the deceased towards Kingston, MA and anoints the forehead of the deceased with lemonade. Then one bows towards Kingston as well and recites the following prayer:

“On this day we mourn the loss of _____. May _____ enjoy the lemony goodness of the afterlife. To Neil, Alora, and stefh I commend his/her/its soul. ANeil.”

One is required to wear the clothes of mourning until the next Blarthsday. It is also wise to drink lemonade in honor of the deceased.

The End of Days

A handful of devout Neilists, through instense study of Neilist musical documents, discovered the purported date of the Apocalypse (probably when the Apocalyptic Ponies will be released).

These Neilists concluded that the world will end on April 1, 2011.

• In Sunbeam Light Show Flower Seed, a certain line goes as follows: “The end of the world on April Fools’ Day.”
• Additionally, Behold The FUTURE, which depicts the events of the future, says “In the year 2011, we were summoned back to Heaven / For a lecture of unearthly magnitude.”