From WikiLemon

On this page, we will amass a collection of notable (funny, brilliant, etc.) quotes from Illemonati everywhere. Add a quote if you like it, and make sure it’s sourced (link to the forum post), but don’t add quotes by or about yourself. Quotes needn’t be about Lemon Demon; this is simply to show how great we are. Also see Colloquium Illemonatorum for newer quotes, or to move some of these over.

Feel free to take quotes out of context, if it makes them funnier.

Contents 1 Exchanges 2 Andrew Kepple 3 Anya 4 Awkward 5 BeatlesLover 6 Beyond The Clouds 7 bowser724 8 bran371 9 Bravotravo 10 d4nce4m01 11 Dan 12 Darkside 13 Diavolo 14 DrProfessorman 15 E = MC Hammer 16 E-Nep 17 EvilDeathBee 18 FeynmanMH42 19 Geozo 20 HalfCatharsis 21 Houhu12 22 hygraed 23 hyperneillover 24 Jacq 25 JohnnyIntergalacticMan 26 Kallie 27 Krazzydude07 28 Lemon Follower 29 Limekle 30 Lint;; 31 LostVarekai 32 Luminiferous Æther Bunny 33 mattgcn 34 madhatte 35 Musical spoon 36 Natalia 37 nantinkspink 38 Neil Cicierega 39 OpDDay2001 40 papaSKROBE 41 Particleman 42 ph3r 43 Psyne 44 Raider Monkey 45 Ryder 46 SaintSmythe 47 SoberIrishman 48 -stefh 49 Starchie 50 styled executioner 51 SuperKoopa 52 Tangerine_Imp 53 TaraFitz 54 TheMuffinMan 55 Toastnuances 56 torres95 57 Tyrante 58 Wario Vs Moo Chicken 59 whitehatcrazy

Exchanges

• “You act as if this is some kind of cult.” —Lint;; [1]
• “Master Neil is not pleased! Sacrifice three goats and a glass of lemonade to Him, and then recite “Word Disassociation” six times, and then six times backwards. Perhaps then He will forgive you for questioning His holiness.” —LÆB [2]
• “*sniffles* I—I’m s-s-sorry sir, I only have one goat! And, five Alpacas…” —Lint;; [3]

---

• “Screw it. I’m wearing them. Guys can suck my heel for all I care.” —d4nce4m01 [4]
• “Jess has found a replacement for ‘suck my elbow’ that suddenly makes the entire forum fall all over her. Hahaha.” —psyne [5]
• “Who says I wouldn’t volunteer to suck her elbow too?” —LÆB [6]
• “So … how many parts of Jess’s body would you be willing to suck?” —E = MC Hammer [7]

---

• “New name for Lemon Demon Forum : The sex, violence, sex, sex and sex forum, oh yeah.. With that Lemon Demon guy, too.” —Dave12D3 [8]
• “We have violence?” —d4nce4m01 [9]
• “*explodes*” —EvilDeathBee [10]

---

• “What the…RAIDER MONKEY IS ON ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM” -HalfCatharsis [11]
• “Yes. I’m smoking antidisestablishmentarianism as we speak. Actually, snorting it. Or both. I can’t make up my mind.” -Raider Monkey [12]

---

• “Speaking of email, I am proud to announce my funky new email address: adam (at) atlas (dot) st. Whoever deflowers my inbox gets a prize.” —LÆB [13]
• “Ooh! I wanna pop your email cherry!” —HalfCatharsis [14]

---

• “SEX. +12991239. Could you imagine if masturbation really caused blindness?” —-stefh [15]
• “Then the Illemonati would find some way to go forumming in Braille.” —HalfCatharsis [16]

---

(Between Ph3r and BeatlesLover.) [17]

• “When you get pushed into an AP writing course four years ahead of schedule, you get very good at BS very fast.”
• “I know dat’s da truth.”
• “O RLY.”
• “YA RLY.”
• “NOWAI!”
• “YA WAI!”
• “I just realized that’s the same pronounciation as YHWH, the Hebrew form for God. </bashingthechurch>”
• “YA WAI > YHWH In every way, shape, or form.”
• “Isn’t it YAOI! anyway?”
• “No. Yaoi is gay porn.”
• “Close enough.”

---

(This exchange started in the Linguistics Communists thread after toastnuances expressed the desire to have his ass kissed.) [18]

• “There will be no asskissing around here! If you wish to bring your mouth to the privates of an Illemonatus, you must perform oral sex!” —HalfCatharsis
• “*gives HC a rimjob*” —LÆB
• “Wait, wait, this is all the wrong way around.” —Ph3r
• “Who cares?” —HalfCatharsis
• “EXCUSE ME MR BUNNY THATS BORDERING ON ILLEGAL.” —Ph3r
• “Don’t interrupt. This is hot.” —E = MC Hammer
• “*feels awkward now*” —LÆB
• *”Hey, did awkward consent to that?” —Psyne
• “Reverse psychology takes another victim.” —E = MC Hammer
• “Damn. It’s REVENGE time! *blows ÆGPM*” —LÆB
• “The battle of wits continues! *moans appreciatively*” —E = MC Hammer
• “And you can’t touch that.” [19] —Toastnuances

---

• “You lazy little buttsnot!” —HalfCatharsis [20]
• “DEAR GOD. WHAT IN THE NAME OF HECK IS SNOT DOING IN A BUTT!?!?!” —BeatlesLover
• “THE POOP AND THE SNOT DECIDED TO TRADE PLACES FOR A DAY! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?” —HalfCatharsis
• “YES, I DO” —Bran
• “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A KID BLOWING POOP OUT OF HIS NOSE?” —HalfCatharsis
• “YES, I DO” -BeatlesLover

---

• “I’ll have at least 3 of the remaining words in tonight. I promise. If I don’t, you can kick me in the grill.” —Cam [21]
• “I’ll get the steeltoed boot just in case.” —Jason Cooper
• “*Cowers in fear knowing that because of the lack of recording computer, I might have my face smahed in by Jason*” —Cam

---

• “Umm.. There’s a cute guy named Nick on my floor. :D” —d4nce4m01 [22]
• “Did you drug him or just knock him out?” —Tyrante [23]

---

• “America and Russia are like…. Lawful Evil and Chaotic Evil.” —SaintSmythe [24]
• “Ah yea, but which are we?” —Jason Cooper [25]
• “OHH SHNAPP” —Madhatte [26]

---

• “Man, I don’t think Neil has ever said something I don’t agree completely with.” —Ryder [27]
• “The KKK are awesome! White power!” —Neil [28]

---

• “Everyone here has at least one disorder.” —Adam [29]
• “That’s not a rumor, that’s common knowledge.” —Anya [30]

---

• “What does +1 mean?” —MeriBites [31]
• “+1 = Orgasm” —Mattgcn [32]
• “On normal forums, “I agree”. On the Lemon Demon forums “I just had an orgasm”.” —Ryder [33]
• “That’s… Perverted and amazing.” —MeriBites [34]
• “That’s a good description of the Illemonati in general.” —LAEB [35]
• “Two perfect ways to describe the forums. Edit: FUCK YOU LÆB! *STAB* MINE IS BETTER ANYWAY!” —Zephyr [36]

---

• “I love how we’re caps-lock-derailing all the threads. We rock.” —HalfCatharsis [37]
• “Yessss we do rock! We’re like…the Derailing Duo! Er…something.” —Damn Seduction Stage [38]
• “THIS IS YOUR THREAD:

[39]

THIS IS YOUR THREAD ON DSS AND HC:

[40]

The Derailing Duo: Wrecking your threads since today.” —HalfCatharsis [41]

• “YESSS. WE CAUSE MASS DESTRUCTION!” —Damn Seduction Stage [42]

---

• “I knew a guy that [+1ed in a river]. He went around telling everyone that they were drinking his semen. One kid replied ‘No wonder it tastes like awesome.’” —MrKsoft [43]
• “thank god for well water” —JonnysVitamins [44]
• “…unless someone faps in your well! Then you’re screwed!” —MrKsoft [45]
• “I’d rather make a wish that way instead of wasting money.” —Bowser724 [46]

---

• “A girl keeps asking me out. She won’t take “I have a boyfriend” as an answer.” Nikkay
• “JESUS NIKKI I WANTED THAT TO BE A PRIVATE ISSUE :(” Mindy! ^_^ [47]

---

• “The full text is available at http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=110-1955. It was passed with 404 votes in favor.” — teh [48]
• “404 — Freedom not found.” — Terri Schiavo (LÆB) [49]

---

• “I would consider virginity lost when you get object of preference in orifice of preference.” —Clitsac [50]
• “*Pokes toe in ear*.
  
  YEAH BABY.” —Ryder [51]

Andrew Kepple

• All of these.
• (On Animutation) “Creativity is encouraged, clumsiness is commonplace, and everybody admires the kid who eats glue.” [52]
• “houhu who? *is immediately humped to death by owls*” [53]
• “Oh wait, they don’t have fans in the Netherlands. Just windmills.” [54]
• “If anybody wants to post some manga fanart based on scenes from this slash fic, go ahead, I never liked my eyeballs anyway” [55]
• “I’m not an emu anymore. I am a cassowary!” [56]
• “Nothing penetrates better than an AK-47(TM)!” [57]
• “An online friend of mine got dumped today because ‘the relationship isn’t going anywhere’. One must wonder where the dumper wanted it to be going, and why they didn’t think it was stable because it was stationary.” [58]
• (on the ongoing madness that is the Nieldrew Slashfic thread) “Everytime this thread dies, somebody digs it up and takes it to dinner and a movie! ” [59]

Anya

• “Two of my best guy friends have the most delicious looking necks. And yes, I know that makes me sound like a vampire.” [60]
• “And guys wonder why their girlfriends suddenly become lesbians.” [61]

Awkward

• “My internet is a sphinx!”

BeatlesLover

• “those aren’t midis. They’re MP3’s. Trapezoid songs just SOUND like midis.” [62]
• “I don’t know, but burning MP3’s onto disc isn’t against any religion other than Jehovah’s Witnesses. They can’t do anything. ” [63]

• “BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT….The grasshopper story.

  “It was early morning, I was working with my dad to help him build a bookshelf. It was a nice day, so I went outside and fell asleep. On my back. it seems a stray fleck of glue was on my forehead, and since this was before I lived in Hawaii, there were grasshoppers. about 7,000 decided to migrate over my head. one got stuck on the glue, and couldn’t struggle free from the already drying epoxy. It finally fully dried, and I went to school completely unaware. End of story.” [64]

• “I just saw this thread…. let me gather my breath…

  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  AAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGG
  GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1”

• “How did you never notice this forum? At this point, it probably gets more google hits for “Lemon Demon” “Sex” and “Interobang” than any other website on the ‘net.” [65]
• Mental hospitals frighten me to a rediculous degree, since I once got crammed in one for a week after I spent 3 hours after school one day with a hammer getting the dents out of restroom stalls. Apparently, the teachers thought that I was deranged because of all the banging. Sometimes, I do things. I can’t help it. I require a certain degree of perfection in my life. Interestingly enough, the thing that I remember most about the mental hospital was that a painting was slightly crooked.
  [66], [67]
• “SHUT UP. My underwear is STUFFED with toilet paper. I keep bleeding.” [68]

Beyond The Clouds

• “I just don’t see the humor in joking around all the time.” [69]

bowser724

• “Go get an iExam.” [70]

bran371

• “Penis. Penis penis penis. I looooove penis.” [71]
• “Unicorns with penises for horns

  Best week of 2006 so far.” [72]

Bravotravo

• “*punches bravotravo*” [73]
• “no this post but posts buy this person in this topic it has just turnt in to a realy random topic about nothing” (stated in a report. Report was posted by LÆB) [74]

d4nce4m01

• “I wasn’t imitating Houhu… *TEARS* Why can’t you just accept me as I am? OH WOW LOOK OVER THERE *points* *Jushes and runs away*” [75]

• “Starting orgies is what HC does, so i’ll leave that up to her part of the brain.” [76]

• *stumbles into the thread* *dances* *stumbles out* [77]

• “I officially love 10 year olds.” [78]

• I bless you in the name of Death, Pestilence, War, and Famine. [79]

Dan

• “HEY GUYS I’M A MORON!” [80]

Darkside

• “I find your lack of pants… disturbing.  :Force-Choke:” [81]

Diavolo

• “This forum is full of the most intelligent dumbasses I’ve ever met!” [82]

DrProfessorman

• “You know, there are many ways of making constructive criticism without comparing one’s work to that of a cripple.” [83]

E = MC Hammer

• “[Luminiferous Aether Bunny] is the ‘Brokeback Mountain’ of the forum awards.” [84]
• “My eye exploded and I decided staying on the Lemon Demon forum was more important than going to the hospital.” [85]
• “If you’re the grammar nazi, then I must be the friggin’ Grammar Hitler.”
• “I once told an anorexic girl she needed to masticate more. She called me a perv and said that she never does that. So I said, ‘I know.’” [86]
• “I just had a dramatic reunion yesterday with my awesome lesbian friend who I hadn’t seen for a year. <p>”And she’s more awesome than your friend.

  “She’s the #2 cause of lesbianism in New Jersey.

  “The #1 cause?: The calibur of men in New Jersey.”

• “You can take the postwhore out of the forum, but you can’t take the forum out of the postwhore.”
• “*Offers obryen a light*” [87]
• (About being able to recognize BTC) “Trust me, we’ll be able to recognize him. As Shakespeare once said:

  ‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, and that which we call BTC by any other name would still be a fucking douchebag.’” [88]

• “ph3r: Fuck off. Damage: Just remember that no matter what, I’m not mad at you. Anya: Not as much as I love myself.” [89]

E-Nep

• “ARE YOU HAPPY YET, BEVERAGE?” [90]

EvilDeathBee

• “You know you need a life when you post more than 30 times a day in this forum.” [91]
• “Just cos he’s hyper doesn’t mean he’s not sin MATH JOKES FTW” [92]
• “I love watching monks beat up nazis.” [93]

FeynmanMH42

• “All your bass are belong to Alora.” [94]

Geozo

• “Death makes me giggle sometimes…tee hee” [95]

HalfCatharsis

• “Yay! Time for an underaged orgy! *initiates orgy*” [96]
• “Orgies aren’t fun unless they’re illegal!” [97]
• “One day I shall kidnap all the awesome people on this forum, jam them into an elevator, and start an orgy.” [98]
• “Neil can turn any straight male gay and any lesbian straight. That’s just the power of his awesomeness.” [99]
• “There is no point, LAB. Though I suppose an oversized bunny shaking its fluffy tail in my face would be pretty sexy too.” [100]
• “”Dan” is the new “moron.” I think I’ll start using that in regular speech. “Hey dude, you’re being such a Dan.” In a month or so everyone will use it and only the Illemonati will know where it originated.” [101]
• “Grammar’s not flattering? Ooh, you’re right. Good grammar makes my butt look big.” [102]
• “*smacks BLT upside the head and runs him over with the ponies*
  *takes his postwhoriness and sticks it up his genitals*
  HA! To take back your postwhoriness, you’ll have to masturbate!” [103]
• “Sexually deviant eleven-year-olds are the best kind!” [104]
• “OH MAH NAEIOUL I’M A WERE-AEGPM.” [105]
• “I love prepubescent little boys.” [106]
• “*attacks a Barbie’s vagina with a pair of tweezers*” [107]

Houhu12

• “well sadly i think now this forum is death none1 does anything here anymore :(” [108]
• “Sadly pastamia die X(”
• “See! This is what i am talking about! Is Death!” [109]
• “Wtf is wrong with this guy? w/e there is your new bag enjoy later Edit: Just notes it was a woman [110]
• “Mess with this houhu and you will get burn.” [111]
• “we have a name ‘inaccurate Constipation’” [112]
• “knowlage is all you need.”
• “But you know, Robots can be super smart, with only been less than 1 month old”
• “TELL AS THE TRUE!” [113]

hygraed

• “When I ask [Neil] for nude pictures, my grammar and spelling is much better.” [114]
• “I clicked on this to say that I was afraid to click on this.” [115]
• “Neil doesn’t eat hookers. As far as I know.” [116]
• “I had a dream the other night where I was visiting Neil in Kingston for some reason, and we went up to his room and I began to remove his clothes with my teeth…I mean, um, we ate cookies.” [117]

hyperneillover

• “Come on, I’m only in 6th grade, do you expect me to know grammar? Be reasonable, there.” [118]

Jacq

• “I was playing with the wiki and realized I have no quotes. Tht shouldn’t really make me sad, but it does a little. =/” [119]

JohnnyIntergalacticMan

• “I did a search for “fuck” and got 233 threads. This makes 234.” [120]

Kallie

• “I’m a virginity in some ways…” [121]
• “OH LOOK AT ME I AM USING A FONT THAT CANNOT BE VIEWED ON ALL COMPUTERS! IT JUST SHOWS HOW COOL I AM, WHEN REALLY I JUST SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.” [122]
• Optimus Prime does not consider one “cute”, he considers himself rather “foxy” and “masculine in a robot way”.

Krazzydude07

• “I will be the friend of the friendless.” [123]
• “The “bunny-person” is one of our many gods.” [124]
• “Sorry. No one here uses computers. :(” [125]

Lemon Follower

• “I would like a custom title, it can be anything, I don’t care. I just hate it always changing! Please respond thanks.” [126]
• “I HAVE to date a girl with intuectuality, I hate dumb bimbos. (Which unfortunately is the kind of girl I actract.)” [127]

Limekle

• “Oh god. What is wrong with you people?! Stop finding things!” [128]

Lint;;

• “That could quite possibly be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen here on the forums. It’s like a cute little girl protecting and having sex with Albert Einstein. Wait… that’s just WRONG.” [129]

LostVarekai

• “You should probably go masturbate and then you’ll be all set.” [130]

Luminiferous Æther Bunny

• “Every Blarthsday, you must send me a picture of Rupert Grint of your choosing. Blarthsday is a new day of the week I have added between Wednesday and Thursday. Weeks only have a Blarthsday when I say so.” [131]
• “You are Alora.” [132]
• “Fucking 16 year olds is unreliable.” [133]
• “SnakesOn! Apply DIRECTLY to the MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!
  SnakesOn! Apply DIRECTLY to the MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!
  SnakesOn! Apply DIRECTLY to the MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!” [134]
• “[Castform] has breasticles.” [135]
• “Bah! I resent that. I may be a filthy pervert, but I would never stoop to the level of penis enlargement products. ”

mattgcn

• “I’ve had around 50 gerbils. Little fuckers wouldn’t stop humping, you’d swear they were caged Illemonati!”[136]

madhatte

• “That’s the best thing about the internet: you can’t smell hippies over it.” [137]

• “I worked under the table in a restaurant at fifteen. It was like being an illegal immigrant worker, only the other kids still talked to me at school.” [138]

• “Hot Topic makes me gassy.” [139]

• “I factory-farm bunnies for their skins, and sell the meat to Campbell’s for soup.” [140]

• “But what is the meaning of ‘being’? This is a question that philosophers have struggled with for milennia. It is the URETHRA-Philosophy: the fabled ‘Meaning Of Life’.” [141]

• “The Republican party could field the Jesus/Buddha ticket and still lose this election.”

Musical spoon

• “That confuses me when stupid people insult me. ‘You can’t insult me! You have the intelligence and personality of a block of wood!’” [142]

Natalia

• “We have christened him Ardy.” [143]

nantinkspink

• “Does this mean I am getting Wiki’d?” [144]

Neil Cicierega

• “There is no clique I could ever hope to keep up with, other than one where I’m the only member.” [145]

OpDDay2001

• “I know what I am doing this Easter. *loads shotgun* ‘Shhhh be werry werry quiet. I’m hunt wabbits’” [146]

papaSKROBE

• “We’re the hottest people on the internet. But that’s kind of like having the biggest penis at an all-girls school.” [147]

Particleman

• “Normally, I don’t think Neil would enjoy being kidnapped, but he would clearly be in good hands with the likes of us, his psycho fanbase.” [148]
• “Tyrannosauruses are dicks.” [149]
• “I think there’s a natural appeal to putting computing equipment in one’s mouth.”
• (In reponse to The Mysterious Ticking Noise) “I found the source of the ticking! Somebody left Dinosaurchestra playing!” [150]

ph3r

• “It’s Dali. Don’t get your mind twisted into a 60-carbon ball trying to figure it out.” [151]

Psyne

• “Well, you’ve got to try everything once, BLT. Mocha… gay sex…” [152]
• “All JFK’s horses and all JFK’s women couldn’t put JFK together again.” [153]
• “When the blind lead the blind, get some popcorn because it’ll probably end up being really fucking funny.”
• “Subura and penis thing, gold head’s turtle exists.” [154]

Raider Monkey

• “Yay for promiscuous underage sex! *Joins*” [155]
• “*snorts forum powder*” [156]
• “Well, of course -stefh has all the ladies. She still masturbates though.” [157]
• “Jessica isn’t adorable or hot…She’s horable. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be whorable or horrible, but whatever. [158]

Ryder

• “Wait, I’m the mayor of spicy buttsex now?”
• “I’m so gay, but without the being gay part.”
• “You’ve never lived until you’ve seen a photo of Natalia.” [159]
• “Mittens. Fucking sweet.”

SaintSmythe

• “Umm… hello? 24 year old pedophile here?” [160]
• “There’s an easy way to tell the difference between pornography and erotic art.<p>If men like it, it’s porn. If women like it, it’s art.” [161]

SoberIrishman

• “But seriously…if you don’t believe in evolution, then how the fuck do you explain Pokemon?” [162]

-stefh

• “The only nazis we have here are the grammar nazis.” [163]
• “I love the irony of “ew kissing” on the masturbation thread.” [164]
• “I bet Barney masturbates. Big purple dinosaur bastard.” [165]
• “BEASTIALITY FTW.” [166]
• “HAHA I GET IT I HAD SEX WITH PIKACHU. It was shocking?” [167]

Starchie

• “Saying athiest is a religion is kinda like saying bald is a hair color.”

styled executioner

• “Holy shit, your parents sound more God loving than the Flanders. If my mom said anything like that I’d be all like “HEY, BITCH. Make me a damn cup of god hating coffee with a lucifer biscuit to dunk”” [168]

SuperKoopa

• “You see, when a woman and a woman love each other very much, men film it and put it on the internet. That is Earth’s natural order.” [169]

Tangerine_Imp

• “13 GIANT HAMSTERS!!!!! WOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOO WOOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW FLY FLY HAT FLY FLY innnnnnnsect! innnnnnnsect! NUMBER FIVETHOUSANDEIGHTHUNDREDANDTWENTYONE! WAKAKAKAKAKA” [170]

TaraFitz

• “Oh come here, my little David Hasselhoff!” [171]

TheMuffinMan

• “That girl meat sounds delici… errr… gross. Not delicious.” [172]

Toastnuances

• “If someone were to have sex with me, they would be a sex offender.” [173]

torres95

• “My brother told me about Lemon Demon and I believe they are the worst band in the history of lemon Demon.” [174]

Tyrante

• “You guys never fail to make me feel normal…” [175]

Wario Vs Moo Chicken

• “Soup is like the only cooked food you can drink in its natural state. ^_^” [176]
• “[…] like any other man I’m not going to answer the phone with a piece of pizza hanging from my mouth and a boner […]” [177]

whitehatcrazy

• “Wikilemon, have my babies!” [178]
• “*faps toast*” [179]