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Bigfoot Begins
From WikiLemon
Bigfoot Begins
- Artist:
- Cinema Rocketry
- Released:
- August 20, 2008
- Length:
- 5:05
- Link:
- YouTube
- Cast:
- Neil Cicierega, Ryan Murphy, Kevin James, and TJ O’Brian
Transcript
(Two people are sitting in the forest.)
George: Seven years. Seven years, we’ve been waiting. And we haven’t caught him once. Not once.
Billy: The sasquatch.
George: The missing link.
Billy: The great skunk ape.
George: The dirt monkey.
Both: Bigfoot.
Billy: But you know, George, none of that stuff matters. The money, and the fame, and everything. What’s important is that me and you get to head out here and we can have a good time lookin’ for ol’ sasquatch. Never really (???) that we catch the thing, It’s- it’s the lore of it that’s the best part.
George: Bullshit. We need the money. We need the cold, raw, gold.
Billy: Eh, money’s nice, I guess, but I mean, it’s the mythos, you know? The fact that you feel that you’re a part of something, something secret no one else can ever find. You know?
George: Don’t you understand it? All these scientists come back with concrete proof, and that’s what makes them. And that’s what gets them the money. What we need- what we need is a stool, or maybe a hair sample. Better yet, a carcass. That’s what we need. That’s our claim to fame.
Billy: That’s not what’s important to me! I mean, yeah, the fame, the proof, we can find something and get money I guess, but it’s just… I would do this for another 20 years if it meant I could hang out with you! It’s a good way to blow off steam and… chill out, I guess.
George: I’m- I’m sorry, man. It’s just, the pressure’s starting to get to me. It’s been- it’s been so long, I’m sorry I got caught up in the moment.
Billy: It’s cool. I understand.
(George pulls a mass of fur out of his bag.)
George: You know, it’s really hard for me to come out here, week after week, but I gotta tell you that the camping’s still really fun. It’s- it’s just like the old times. Say, you have a good dental record, right?
Billy: What, like my teeth?
George: Yeah, like, nothing odd about them, no caps, no crowns, no cavities, anything like that?
Billy: Yeah, I suppose so. They’re all fine, yeah.
George: So if you were, say, hypothetically, to go to the dentist, and they were to check you out, you could probably pass for an upper-level primate, correct?
Billy: Why do you care about my-
(George shoots Billy and dresses him up like bigfoot.)
George: That’s my sasquatch.
(He photographs Billy’s body.)
George: Four dollars a pound, and about 230 pounds. That’s at least $700! And all because of you, my little precious yeti.
(Billy begins to get up.)
Billy: George? What… happened to me?
George: Oh my god, Billy! You’re…. bigfoot!
Billy: I’m… bigfoot?
George: You were bitten by a- by a werebigfoot! You wouldn’t bite me, would you?
Billy: No, George! You’re my friend. I love you.
George: I’m sorry, Billy. We can’t be friends anymore. I’m a hunter… and you’re a bigfoot. It could never be.
Billy: But- but- but George!
George: No, Billy! You stay here! This is your home now, this is where you belong!
Billy: George, no! No! NOOOOOOO!
(George sadly walks away. Billy walks away, and the image freezes with him in the pose from that famous bigfoot video.)
(Credits roll.)
George: Seven years. Seven years, we’ve been waiting. And we haven’t caught him once. Not once.
Billy: The sasquatch.
George: The missing link.
Billy: The great skunk ape.
George: The dirt monkey.
Both: Bigfoot.
Billy: But you know, George, none of that stuff matters. The money, and the fame, and everything. What’s important is that me and you get to head out here and we can have a good time lookin’ for ol’ sasquatch. Never really (???) that we catch the thing, It’s- it’s the lore of it that’s the best part.
George: Bullshit. We need the money. We need the cold, raw, gold.
Billy: Eh, money’s nice, I guess, but I mean, it’s the mythos, you know? The fact that you feel that you’re a part of something, something secret no one else can ever find. You know?
George: Don’t you understand it? All these scientists come back with concrete proof, and that’s what makes them. And that’s what gets them the money. What we need- what we need is a stool, or maybe a hair sample. Better yet, a carcass. That’s what we need. That’s our claim to fame.
Billy: That’s not what’s important to me! I mean, yeah, the fame, the proof, we can find something and get money I guess, but it’s just… I would do this for another 20 years if it meant I could hang out with you! It’s a good way to blow off steam and… chill out, I guess.
George: I’m- I’m sorry, man. It’s just, the pressure’s starting to get to me. It’s been- it’s been so long, I’m sorry I got caught up in the moment.
Billy: It’s cool. I understand.
(George pulls a mass of fur out of his bag.)
George: You know, it’s really hard for me to come out here, week after week, but I gotta tell you that the camping’s still really fun. It’s- it’s just like the old times. Say, you have a good dental record, right?
Billy: What, like my teeth?
George: Yeah, like, nothing odd about them, no caps, no crowns, no cavities, anything like that?
Billy: Yeah, I suppose so. They’re all fine, yeah.
George: So if you were, say, hypothetically, to go to the dentist, and they were to check you out, you could probably pass for an upper-level primate, correct?
Billy: Why do you care about my-
(George shoots Billy and dresses him up like bigfoot.)
George: That’s my sasquatch.
(He photographs Billy’s body.)
George: Four dollars a pound, and about 230 pounds. That’s at least $700! And all because of you, my little precious yeti.
(Billy begins to get up.)
Billy: George? What… happened to me?
George: Oh my god, Billy! You’re…. bigfoot!
Billy: I’m… bigfoot?
George: You were bitten by a- by a werebigfoot! You wouldn’t bite me, would you?
Billy: No, George! You’re my friend. I love you.
George: I’m sorry, Billy. We can’t be friends anymore. I’m a hunter… and you’re a bigfoot. It could never be.
Billy: But- but- but George!
George: No, Billy! You stay here! This is your home now, this is where you belong!
Billy: George, no! No! NOOOOOOO!
(George sadly walks away. Billy walks away, and the image freezes with him in the pose from that famous bigfoot video.)
(Credits roll.)
